Tag Archives: eczema

Progress report + The Loss of a beautiful friend.

I have resorted to hanging out on cookery or food-related message boards, websites and blogs just to look at beautiful photos of food or read recipes out loud to myself or read their descriptions and use my imagination. They are mostly food i cannot eat at this point or ever.. (i love junk food so very much, can you tell? AND spicy food.. being asian and all. Spicy was my life. WAS)

LOL. A little bit pathetic to just stare at the pictures, but it relieves me somewhat.

Especially since i’m such an enthusiastic eater and diner.. who is unable to indulge herself physically.. I can do it mentally and visually though right?
Honestly i go through life with the motto: I live to eat. Now that i cannot eat, suddenly i’m stumped with what to do with my life.. Like what kind of activities am i supposed to shift to now? I really need a new hobby.. BUT WHAT?
Continue reading Progress report + The Loss of a beautiful friend.

Morning thoughts & fears

Hi again..

I’m just going to put it out there that my updates wouldn’t be too jolly or anything.. I’m trying not to mope around but it’s really hard.

So anyway 3 days ago (3rd march, thursday) night i started having hives again while i was at work. This was after i thought i’d stabilised enough and my skin had started to lessen its redness etc etc, i had looked and felt a little better basically. But on that day it was the first day i started using lavender essential oil on my face again since i got bitten (previously it had been a normal skincare routine for me), and also the most notable meal i had of that day was fishball noodles (first time having this) and wonton soup. I am not quite sure WHAT triggered me but i.. have a feeling it was the fishball noodles, the hives came a few hours after having them for my lunch.

So anyway, i was at work with no antihistamines or medication with me at all, my undereye had started to really darken indicating an allergic reaction and the skin around my mouth had started swelling, itching and going red in general.. and i started looking like a mess. It was miserable how itchy everything felt with no relief. The crook of my left arm’s (undiagnosed) eczema flared up again and looked embossed with itchiness.

I kept going to the toilet to wash my face and reapply the urea cream and hydrocortisone on my face.. and i stuck through work all the way till i ended at midnight.. By then i already looked like the living dead, i even scared myself. My whole body as i was having  flare up kept on feeling hot and cold, it felt like a fever, but i had no high temperature. That night, i slept with full on jacket, socks and blankets even though it was a hot night.

The next day i had to be on medical leave because nothing felt nor looked right. As i called my supervisor i was really on the verge of a breakdown because i really hated being this out of control, i didn’t understand what was going on with my body and why is it behaving this way as i never had a problem before, it was just a lot of confused feelings and whys.. And most of all, i was really scared. I’m terrified of what’s happening to me and nobody and nothing can help me solve it.

After i put down the phone with my supervisor, i just called Softee and cried (full on sobbing-can’t-breathe kind of crying) over the phone to him. I’m glad he took my call (sorry for scaring you!)

I think i’m slowly slipping into depression over this.. my hair has started to thin out as well..

Today, right now, i’m back at work. It’s a morning shift on a Sunday. I haven’t eaten yet. I’m not sure what i can or cannot eat and i’m scared of triggering whatever the hell this is.. And i’m even afraid to look into mirrors or my reflection.

I really want to be well again.

p/s: Posted at the risk of sounding very self absorbed at the moment. I am well aware there are more unfortunate people with worse problems and unlike me, have no access to medication nor money to pay for treatments. No food either. I understand, and my heart goes out to them. I should be grateful with whatever this is.

pp/s: the doctor had said i was already sensitive skinned before but the fire ant-bite only started opening a doorway for these kinds of problems. Just grr-reat.