Tag Archives: concierge story

Looking for the crotch shop? We got you.

Today i receive my favourite-est question to date. It’s such a beautiful moment to remember.

Guest comes up to me.. from the body language, i am positive we were going to have trouble understanding each other.

Me: Afternoon, how are you..?

Guest: hi..ummm.. where is the crotch shop?

Me: (removes the ear piece to the walkie so i can hear better, i must be dreaming) Sorry?

Guest: You have the crotch shop here? where ?

Me: The… crotch shop..?

Guest: yes..

Me: (blank staring, mouth slackened, mind ablaze with images of various crotches hanging around in a store)

Me: I’m……………… you………. i’m sorry, really sorry, the what?

I didn’t have notepad on me. So i took out the map and tried hard looking for the name. I would think that was the first store i would visit, i wouldn’t have missed it on a map. Guess what the guest was looking for?

We should open one store like it.

Right after Little Miss Crotch, i received another trippy question. I was stationed at the (now new) counter near the food court. The food court, being literally right in front of me.

Guest: Hi.. where is the food court?

Me: Just go straight, there. (gestures with wide open palms towards his destination which is staring us in the face)

Guest: Where? (looks at me instead of my palms) go down?

Me: There!.. just go straight..

Guest looks at the way i pointed.

Me: You are looking at it.. (God. Am i the one who’s hallucinating?)

Guest: (confused staring at the what, to me, looks exactly how a food court would look ) Where??! Go down??

Me: Just go straight.

Guest: Ok. (walks off, still confused)

Me: (is dying to say) If you want, you can go down, come up again.. run around the escalators, do a few push ups, run to the south side and then come back to just go straight. Ta-Da! Food court. Magic.

Sigh. *rubs temples*


That’s not my name.. i mean it is, but it’s not.

I really can’t stand it when complete strangers think it’s ok to address a customer service rep by name. We are not friends. Please stop that.

I was still attending to another guest when this little prick rudely interrupted me:


I don’t know him. Without looking at him, i held up my hand to his face, flared my nose a little (i do this when something’s pissing me off) and said tightly “hold on, please”. I mean is he blind or something? I am clearly attending to another person.

He waited.

Once my first guest was done, i turned to him and the little prick.. again said;

“Asfa, where can i get a taxi..”

Each time i heard my name from his mouth, my hair prickled and i could feel my anger rising. It’s irrational, really.

I directed him.. Next question:

“So.. Asfa,” At this point, i was ready to strangle him or myself with the closest telephone cord, maybe he goes first and then his whole family behind him. “It’s outside the casino?”

That’s what i said you.. &%^^$%^$%%&.. After my standard “pleasure, have a good day”

“Thanks Asfa!”

Who the EFF are we? Are we friends? Buddies? You don’t know me. I don’t know you. I don’t call you “My pleasure, Prick, have a good night” do i??? Don’t try to get too familiar with service people, we don’t like it. You’re trying to impose on us by doing that. It feels like it anyway, you’re trying to exert a certain control by using our names.

I hate it so much. I felt so angry i took off my nametag furiously and am still fuming, currently. It’s not allowed, but one more time i hear my name from an unworthy stranger who speaks it (who has absolutely no manners nor patience) and i am seriously going to start emitting smoke on the sides and burst into flames and eat them whole.

Otherwise life at the counter is peachy really. I’m just gonna wait for time to go home, now. another 40 minutes. 😀

p/s: On second thoughts, them calling me by my name is always better than incessantly being called  “hello! hello.. Miss.. MISS, HELLO!” from the back. I should be grateful. Thank you, Prick.

Don’t test concierges

A Rant:

So recently there was a particular staff from one of the F&B’s in the mall who stepped on my tail. I was directing a guest and when i turned to her to acknowledge her, she was already rattling at me saying there’s a black dog on their alfresco premises and it needs to leave asap as this innocent black dog was bothering their uppity guests (this dog btw was somebody’s dog at one point but due to the little fucker’s negligence, now this dog has been roaming the property, lost and homeless. I really feel for this little dog)

Anyway, It was a busy time for her to be pissing me off as i was actually at the same time, attending to a pissy ang mo guest whose ATM card got swallowed by the cash dispensing machine (nothing i can do about but it doesn’t stop him from showing tantrum) He was soon to be performing in our theatres and needed to draw out money badly. I also feel for him, believe me, ATM machines can be such pain in the necks when they happily decide to retain your card)

Continue reading Don’t test concierges

What time the rain stops?

This happened to a colleague of mine:

The day was raining heavily and most guests were trapped in the mall with nothing else to do except ride an indoor boat or eat expensive stuff until they explode or become bankrupt, whichever comes first.

Female Guest approaches my colleague’s counter:

Guest: *aggressively* Hey, what can we do here?! It’s raining!

Colleague: We have 200 0ver stores in this mall (it’s 800,000 square feet, bet you haven’t seen all), you can dine in any of our celebrity restaurants, have a ride in the little boat and maybe take pictures with our roving christmas entertainers (mostly kids in reindeer costumes on stilts, a walking christmas tree, a polar bear, gingerbread man.. you get the drift)

Guest: *high pitched* What time will the rain stop?!

Colleague: *taken aback* umm.. it just started, so i’m not really sure..?

Guest: you don’t know what time the rain will stop?!

Colleague: No..

Guest to her husband in the distance: She doesn’t even know when the rain stops!! *stomps off*

Weather forecast is now in our job requirement. I should just join that hotline that my sister frequently calls when they’re planning to shoot outdoors. Unfuckingbelievable.

Yesterday i saw this young woman, probably in her late 20s or mid 30s (i can’t tell.. you know us Asians), I don’t know her nationality either, she was either thai, PRC or viet. She was petite, like me, and she wore booty shorts and a grey crop top, bra-less.

I don’t have an issue with her outfit, it is a bit daring then we usually see ’round here but i digress. She can go all Miley Cyrus all over the mall for all we care, but let me just remind ourselves again that yesterday it rained really, really heavily the WHOLE day. It was cold, right? That’s what i’m trying to say.

So when she came up with her friend to ask for directions, i couldn’t help but notice that her nipples were sticking out, like freaking antennas, it looked like it could start giving out radio frequencies anytime or connect you to freaking WIFI. It was that unnaturally sticky-outy if you can picture it and it looked like it was too high up for nipples. She probably had them done in some way because i have never seen nipples that high up to your chin before (i’m exaggerating, but they were high up, as if they were checking for weather reports)

It was super distracting to talk to her face.

I’m a lady, see? And i can get distracted by these things too, so sue me.

Yep. So far that is the story.

Much love,


p/s: IS it a boob job, anyone? do they look like that? gosh. if those were mine and they’d done it like that i would wear several bras to “conceal dont feel” it and consider a refund. heh (Frozen reference FTW!)

pp/s: silliness aside, i am actually busy trying to research and start up a new blog which is on a test/trial stage and i’ve been trying to catch up on my reading as well, so sorry for the lack of updates! I’ll try collect more work stories and stuff..

ppp/s: we also just bought a new 182cm kitty condo! heh. It’s their end year little gift ^^ i’ve missed buying my kitties stuff since Owinge fell sick.. well.. i hope they like it, i know the ladies do (: