I am under the prolonged understanding that people are weird. I have always believed that. People can be so weird (which includes but is not limited to rudeness) Weird people are everywhere, there is just no way you can miss them. I don’t know if it’s just me, but, i like weird people, and i come across them pretty often. I occasionally like the rude ones as well, not all the time, but they do add color to my experience with human beings. Sometimes their weirdness doesn’t appear immediately to the naked eye.. but it is a slow build up. Ugh. You’ll see what i mean.
So i’m just saying, because i know a lot of weird people in my surroundings. Back in my previous jobs, i have always had this character in my life usually nicknamed “The Confider” (whom i ironically usually would confide to the Strange Tea about) And they come in all sorts of different backgrounds and live different types of lifestyles. I seem to have re-acquired a Confider in my life once more. They confide all kinds of different wild stories ranging from their sex lives, love life, personal experiences and work life. It can be entertaining when you’re looking forward to hear the latest story, but draining at other times. And usually these people are really nice people. But thats beside the point.
On a slightly not really related note, but completely about how weird human beings can be, please read on.
There is this new girl at work, i knew her before in previous jobs. To be safe, its really surprising but i have quite a number of people whom i knew from previous jobs that happened to be in the same office as i am at the moment.
So this chick whom i’ve worked with before, lets call her *Nadia. I remembered Nadia to be quite a cool girl, not cool as in popular cool, just cool as in she has a good personality that is fun, but we weren’t close or anything back then as i only worked 3 months at that place and i also wasn’t very friendly back then, i’ve since grown up and have developed a personality though. So when i saw Nadia working here, i was like, woah! what are the odds that there are so many familiar faces? That’s great! It’s awesome! She recognizes me, i recognize her, this is great. It’s all good.
From the day i saw her until two days ago, i had been super friendly to her, bordering on scary over friendly. I am naturally a very friendly person actually, and my logic was that, hey, we know each other right? I just wanted to be friends (not in a desperate way, just in a i-know-you-you-know-me way) The response from her ever since she joined has been mostly lukewarm, usually i had to joke first or verbally greet aloud first and i always was very enthusiastic in my greetings, a little try too hard i suppose, upon reflection. Her smiles have been noticeably fake too. A girl kind of notices these things, like when another person’s not as enthused (I’m very sensitive to these things) I was obviously more keen and receptive and i was wasting my energy on someone who didn’t really want my friendship.
My intention was genuine though. That, i can attest to. But when i keep receiving fake smiles and just the other day when i was leaving the office and had said goodbye to her and her friend, and heard them both giggling at my retreating back, it just didn’t feel very nice. I don’t see why i should be so friendly when she obviously doesn’t appreciate my efforts at all. I’m trying so hard to be friendly (i don’t know why, i guess i can’t stand the feeling of not being accepted) but i am so over it. I just snapped and i’m done with this bullshit.
So the other day when i saw her, i just dished out the same fake smile i have been on the receiving end of and didn’t say anything at all, and went on my way. Another colleague witnessed it and noted that this girl looked really taken aback, and that it “felt like a slap to the face”. It doesn’t make me feel happy when i did that, it was a bitch move which i didn’t want to use, but am more than capable of giving when i can’t stand things anymore. It disturbed me that i actually did it even, i kept thinking if i did the right thing afterwards.
But some people sometimes really are just weird, they don’t see that you have good intentions and that you are just naive, some people can be so cold.
When i first joined the company, there was this other girl in the office, i don’t know her name, let’s call her Lily. I keep seeing Lily around, the pantry, the restroom and i always, always smiled at her, she would look me in the face but did not crack a smile at all. At first i thought, maybe her glasses were too thick and not updated and that she perhaps couldn’t see that i’m smiling at her like an idiot. But when i keep seeing her black face so much and keep being rudely straight-to-the-face ignored, i couldn’t take it anymore and i gave her the exact same treatment back, tenfold. Whenever she came in the restroom or the pantry, my hackles rose and my whole vibe changed and darkened, i projected a really negative energy around me because i just soon began to dislike this girl immensely just for her rudeness. It makes me sick to see her stupid black face around the office and i just hated her. (It was irrational, i know, i could have dealt with it better and just plain ignore her but i guess.. wounded prides)
Few days ago?
We were in the same restroom and i as usual, ignored her when i looked in the mirror at her reflection and surprise, surprise, she SMILED at me.
And this is what pisses me off, what is it with human beings or specifically women?
You don’t like it when people are friendly. You respond better to negative vibes or something? You people are just so fucking weird i can’t even.
I was so upset about this (i know right) that i even messaged my sister, which i’m glad i did. Just to get off my chest, because The Confider in my office isn’t that good of a listening ear, they never are, they usually just want to talk about themselves.
I am going to continue being friendly, because that is just how i roll, it’s what i am, i never usually have any agendas behind my friendliness. Just know that i’m just vengeful by nature (what can i say, i’m a Leo), just don’t be surprised if you get burnt by the same treatment that you do to me that’s all.
This is Kitkat/Honeybums just plain being in your way when you’re busy.