In pursuit of Beauty : A rant.


Yesterday i went to have my free eyebrow embroidery done. That’s how it looks like today, rather than how it looked like a few days ago, like a forest after a wildfire. Sparse and lifeless.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying i love my new brows (i’m neutral to it) To be honest, it’s only done because my manager forced me to and it’s a treatment worth hundreds or more in a package but because one of her therapists needed quality check done  and they needed models so she shoved me in it. My manager can be very annoying and naggy sometimes and she is certainly very naggy about my brows and hair and everything that is imperfect about me. Because i cannot be bothered about them, i mean, there is more to life isn’t it?!

Personally i am fine with my hair, i don’t give a flying squirrel’s butt about how frizzy it is or how little i comb my hair. I don’t care how my eyebrows are so sparse they look like gay spiders. I don’t care. Because i am fine with how i look like, and all these people who think they’re all better than the other people who don’t give a rat’s ass about how they look, i would like all of you to please throw yourselves off a cliff.

However, i understand why she forced me to because it is the nature of the job itself. As sad as it sounds. She just wanted to sell the brand better. I totally get it. And i’m sorry i’m this way. However i feel it is wrong to talk down to me because you think i look all wrong.

I don’t mind if you’re obsessed with beautifying yourself. Really, i’m fine. I have this friend who is spending thousands on facial IPL treatments complete with skin rejuvenating properties and she looks like a million bucks of course. But that’s her problem you know? if it makes her happy then i say go for it. But i’d draw the line if she starts telling me to do IPL also, or if she asked me to do nose hair tweezing or oh, i don’t know, decorative semi-permanent butt enhancing? Because i wouldn’t want to. And if she keeps forcing me to, i’d slap her. I would slap her because i love her and she’s my friend but i didn’t slap my manager or colleague(s) for fear of being sacked.. in disgrace. As much as i want to leave, i’d leave with dignity and a clean record. I don’t want to be known as the staff who physically harassed people.

And that’s unfair because other people are harassing me and i cannot retaliate in kind, you see?! The injustice of it all..

If you are ruining people’s days and moods by pointing out the other person’s problematic areas, i just hope you get run over by a truck because you really have no right and you are so shallow it makes me sick.

What i want to highlight in this post is, that beauty is subjective. What is beautiful to you, may not be beautiful to someone else. It is weird because, yeah, maybe this pair of eyebrow might sit well and make me fit in better. But it doesn’t mean i’m happy about it. It doesn’t mean it will look good to my family or someone else, even myself. Just like how everyone tells me to straighten my hair because they think it will look better on me. Perhaps because it will make me look more mainstream and accepted because everyone has straight hair there.

Well you know what? I like my curls better than your boring spaghetti hair. And when i tell them that, they get all shocked, like it’s unheard of. Yeah, because everyone in this world wants to look like everyone else, is that it? I just wish people would stop telling other people what to do. I guess i have myself to blame because i keep throwing myself in the path of these kinds of industries. I mean, what happened to caring about morals, compassion or even simple skills like reading Ha. Who am i trying to kid, can’t find that anywhere from wherever i’ve  come from. Those industries will stay the way they are and mould more of those types of people. It’s just the way it is, if i wanted to break free, then leave.

I used to be very obsessed with looking good and would get very depressed if i looked less than pretty on a good day, but i’ve realized for a while now that i don’t really care about this anymore. I want something else, i want something more solid and promising. How far can “beauty” bring a person? I don’t want to be shallow anymore. I know that there are more important things in this world that i should really start looking into, i also have ambitions and dreams that i want  to come into fruition. I actually have things that i really do care about.

I don’t want to be in this situation anymore and therefore i am looking for other opportunities that are closer to home and closer to my heart, i also want to pursue projects i have abandoned but recently have started gearing up for again. I want to do things that i really care about, because i am past that tolerant stage.

I am getting intolerant and bored out of my mind.

So this post is beyond the topics of subjective beauty and the perils of pursuing the mainstream, much less is it about my freshly embroidered brows, it is also not entirely about my unhappiness with people forcing me to do things.  it is more than that, it is in fact a therapeutic outlet for me because i am procrastinating on my project that i’m supposed to be writing right now and i just needed to rant all the feelings i’ve kept bottled up even if they don’t presently make sense.

Right this minute, i am setting myself free.

P/S: All fellow Wrimoers.. i wish you well. I’m really extremely behind, and these are cringingly bad proses.. But i’m trying. It’s better to try than sat in the dark wondering if you could, also it’s better to have started at all than to not start and wonder if you could. Ten more days.

pp/s: this post alone has a 1072 word count. If only i could produce that number on the Nano novel.. pssh.


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