I’m typing this out while blinking blearily…

Hi there! 

I am really, reaaaally sleepy but i refuse to sleep and even though it's an incredibly wonderful weather, i need to be here first. I just want to type something here. Today The Boy and i went to the library (yes!) to read (yes!) and i just want to express my appreciation for him and how keen he is and how patient & tolerant he is with my quirks and obsessions. Thank You TB 😀

Work's been… umm. No comment really. Just that i've actually lost $204.37 due to some mistakes. I don't wish to talk of it here because it sickens me to the stomach when i even think about it. 😦 

Oh! and I've cut my hair.. no. It's not actually short. After letting my hair grow out like an untamed bush, i finally relented and went to the hairdressers. I used to be a beauty junkie when  i was younger but i realize as i grow older i am sooooooooo damn lazy to even wait at the salon. So last saturday, being my off day, i went. I told the stylist to do whatever it is he wanted, all i wanted was to trim the dry ends and the blond parts away. He said he'd give me a style he'd done for a hair show a couple of months ago… and the result was a short front and longer length behind. Edgy i suppose, i just never counted on the fact that my hair would spring up after washing and become it's wavy self. In the mob of well coiffed, smooth and straight, shiny haired people at work, i really stick out like a sore thumb. They don't like curls and waves and thick hair. They don't. 

I'm trying to keep convincing myself that there is nothing wrong with my hair, only it's kinda hard when you spend your days with people telling you that you look like a "problem". 

I haven't been happy you know.

I'm wondering if there's something i can do to stop myself feeling this crappy. To stop myself feeling this way about things. 

I just feel depressed. 

I just want to be happy. To be told i'm beautiful just the way i am. That i'm smart. That i'm good enough. I don't want to feel this battered. 

shite. i'm one step closer to level: EmoTeen Slashing Her Wrist. Only i'm no longer a teen. *gasp*

P/s: i've been looking at mobile phones.. That, is another update. Well, goodnight..


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