sorry. been keeping alot to myself. (: and i really kind of like it. no wait, love it, really. BUT, there come days when i just feel lonely and insecure and feeling like nobody loves me. but whatever really. Owinge loves me and i love him. (:
speaking of him, i really want to thank everyone of my friends who sincerely prayed for his recovery from his abscess surgery. (: a warm thank you. i cannot tell you how completely stressed, depressed and worried i was. i cried alot, i cried everywhere at the mere thought of him and felt so helpless seeing him so weak and thin. but that was then (merely two weeks ago), he is all better now. 😀 he speaks, he walks, teases and runs around like he had always done before. So i am eternally grateful, Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for healing him and for answering our prayers.
during the period of his still recovering, i could hardly sleep. often slept late and had him take his medications as was instructed by his vet. He is a really strong boy for pushing through it all. (: and he's eating again. he's still a little bit too skinny for my liking (to the casual observer, he still looks porky) but his tummy is hollow and you can feel his backbone/spine when you hardly could before. PLUS, he's way too light. my arms used to strain when i carried him for a cuddle but its like carrying a pack of ikan bilis now to compare. 😦 so my next goal is to fatten him up again.. and bath him again (but not until his cheek wound is ALL fully recovered and his fur has grown)
that last visit to the vet when they took out the wire out of his cheek was the best day of my life. (which was last monday, 9th april) such a relief. i cannot even begin explaining the surge of relief that coursed throughout my body, mind and soul. it made everything bearable. like i could endure anything. Like you could throw a rock at me and i'd still stand there, smiling vaguely and forgive you (that ain't happening by the way. i'd roll a boulder over you if you did that to me, TODAY. so too late.) I felt like i could endure the crazy new boss as well. Goddamn, she is one neurotic person. If i ever told you about my anal sister, you should meet this woman instead. She takes the fuckin cake.
anyway, i've been really, really, extremely, inexplicably bored of my hair. everyday i go out i feel like Hagrid, the half giant from Harry Potter.
ugh.. all i need to do is grow a beard. i REALLY HAVE NO IDEA what to do with my hair, it drives me bananas.
i considered perming, those tight curls that end in ringlets that my sisters and african americans seem to be blessed with.
unlike my hair's curls, who seem half hearted. the waves seem weak and like they're not fed enough. TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND I'LL DO IT, HAIR. moreover, i'm not sure how long i want to keep my hair. i mean the length, not in the "how long before i want to bald myself" way.
i also thought, maybe i'd cut it. then stopped myself because my friend, The Conscience said "and risk looking pre-pubescent! Go on girl, imma let you finish" The Conscience said to me in the manner of Kanye West when he took the mic away from Taylor Swift during the VMA awards, and i was left looking as confused as Miss Swift on stage after being returned the microphone.
No. i realize that is not the answer. cutting my hair, is not the answer. I might risk being mistaken for a butch/lesbian, as my dear friend Hilmi seems very fond of reminding me.
which reminds me, one of my very good friends, Chacha is now engaged. (: Congratulations are in order! I'm very happy for her. She did look stunning on the day of her engagement, but i held my tongue from complimenting her as i realized she would praise herself with or without others' opinions. 😉 heh heh heh. some things never change eh? Just waiting for the wedding then!
and again, on an almost unrelated note, The Tigermum, as usual, is prone to say things which seem to have NO LINK whatsoever. She's expert at linking unrelated things together, also an expert in remembering memories/ creating memories you seem to can't recall, and also she excels in putting words in your mouth. Just this evening, i had told her i am going to KL with some friends on June. She had taken a whole day to process it and afew minutes ago told me weakly "tak payah pergi lah.." (don't have to go..)
and i said
-huh? asal? nak pergi. (huh? why? i'm going.)
"Kau gi kahwin sana." (Go get married.)
-wha-?? huh?! apa kena mengena dengan kahwin?! (wha-?! huh?! what's that got to do with marriage!?) i had spluttered, staring incredulously at her.
"ajak laki kau sana." (bring your husband along)
UMMMM.. *awkward silence* This is getting a little bit ridiculous as it is. I just want to go to KL, get some traveling in my books. Do i have to get married just to do that? Good god. what the fuckery, really. There she is, always spouting off telling me to get my own pace so i can litter the whole place with books as much as i want (i get it. i agree. there's books everywhere in this house. its not my fault though, i'm going to defend myself with Lady Gaga's words: I'm born this way.) when she's mad because i buy too many books and not enough clothes ("kau ashik pakai baju sama je cha. Baju tu, baju tu jugak aku tengok"/ you keep wearing the same things, its the same clothes all the time) and i don't keep my books properly. And now, i have to get married just to get out of the country for awhile? LOL THATS FUNNY.
Well, i am going. married or not, with or without hair. but financially…… HUMM. lets not fret too early though yeah?
i seem to vaguely remember another incident whereby The Tiger had put words in my mouth. It was that day when there were advertisements on Suria (i presume) that she had seen, mentioning that they're holding auditions for people who are interested in acting. She had said to me:
"cha, Suria tengah cari orang, kau kata kau nak jadi pelakun kan!" (Suria is looking for people, you said you wanted to be an actress right!)
my sister, the lovely MystExile, had been there and echoed shockedly "apa! cha nak jadi pelakun?", (what! you want to be an actress?!) as if The Tiger had said wonderingly if i had three arms that day instead of two and she was just responding appropriately.
and as usual, when i'm too shocked or astonished or confused to answer, i suddenly lose my articulacy and start spluttering.
Me – "Bila sak 'ak cakap gitu?!" (when the heck did i ever say that!?) i had asked, wondering if i had said it. ever. i rifled through my memories quickly and found negative results. i don't remember ever saying it. And besides, i can't even act my way out to the door. disappointingly enough. i suck at directions, i'd be a cab passenger's biggest nightmare, she'd wet herself with frustration.
case closed. no i do not want to be an actress. Nor am i even interested in acting. It'd be fun to study those who are interested and watch their behaviors though. *Some* people might just be so blinded to the idea of fame you know.. 😉 that they'd be so full of themselves. So yeah. Great entertainers when you feel like strangling someone.
okay. i think i have rambled way too much today. it was nice though.. till then.. ((:
i'll leave you with a favourite song of mine. a beautiful chill out instrumental. Loving Bjorn Lynne's works so far. Check him out at: www.lynnemusic.com