My mother, The Tigermum:
“tempat kau Ada jual coli?“
— umm… *thinks* ada seluar dalam ah.
“ada brand baru tau! Nama dia Belvia.. Ni tunjuk Kat tv ha.. Bagus Mak tengok! Dia bergetah. 20ringgit.. Gitulah.. Mak nak lah pakai gitu..“
Umm. Is she hinting at me to buy a new bra? No?
Urgh. It’s weird considering the industry I work in and my extreme reluctance to go shopping. I hate shopping. Such contradiction. But I’m not bothered. Not really.. Actually, okay, a little. The pressures of looking good everyday are there and when it’s my off day I tend to stay home and pig out on macd and go to the park or stay home lazing about, read books, write, whatever.. I tend to look really puffy and I dont give a fig how I look like. It feels nice. It’s exactly what I need every week. Because I spend every other day with people, some I don’t even like and it’s really energy draining. I feel exhausted and a single day by myself is the very thing I need to recharge.
What I’m trying to say is I’m sick of the pressures there but then again I have nobody to blame but myself cos I chose that. So I deal with it right? Thats what you do, you deal with it.
I’m also sick of this country because there really isn’t any creativity here. It’s either you work till you’re half dead so you can earn enough just to support yourself and hardly be left with any energy at the end of the day to squeeze any juice out of yourself, or you work irregularly to focus on your passion, doing what you like and be considered poor, unstable and “unemployed”.
Isn’t it employment enough if you were happy with yourself? I guess not. *eye roll* I guess to all those people who are feeling trapped, this is for you: just keep doing it. Whatever makes you happy, you accommodate but remember and listen to what your heart is telling you, only do what you want to do. Not what other people *think* you should be doing. So follow your dreams no matter what happens. Keep creating. Daydream, imagine, just live. Be your own person.
Be aware that you’re not moving and navigating on auto-pilot. 🙂
It is a crap society here who doesn’t encourage you to have your own thoughts and to think for yourself, and a blatantly racist one too at that, but you don’t have to follow. Be yourself. Which is something quite hard to do and quite criminal to be doing but EFF IT ALL. That’s the mission. Be free.
So thats all I wanted to ramble about.. It’s my offday today.. A day off skirts and tight jeans. A day off make up and peering eyes. Today I take off my mask.
I am invisible today.
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