sometimes some people struggle not to think or feel anything.
when things become a pain,
they survive through being busy and tired, hence thinking is not an option for relaxation.
they sleep alot for a week. they spend cash on food. they go out. they seem okay.
sweeping everything under the carpet becomes a norm for them. its to be expected.

they’re the kind who tend to pretend to others they’re this cheery and sunshiney everyday.
they really try to be but sometimes the pretense gets to them and it gets bloodyhell tiring.
they have a problem with letting feelings be known & they often have 2 walls.
they call it "entertaining" and "self".

the "entertaining" wall is their social self. no feelings involved.
they are the kind of people who always try to make jokes and love hearing people laugh.
they poke fun at themselves.
they make fun of people.
they’re full of life and animated stories.
this wall is activated most of the time.

the "self" wall is the restricted area where they subconsciously visit from time to time to ensure everything is still locked up and secure. (they pray very hard this wall doesnt get activated)
this is the place you as a third party aren’t supposed to see. at all. ever.
this also happens to be where their true raw self resides.
the 1001 problems and feelings they chain up and dont want to ever see again are kept in
nice little parcels, packages and boxes wrapped in pretty paper and ribbons,
but they have no choice because its in them and like it or not, they gotta keep it, so they keep it pretty.

this particular wall sometimes have a bursting point, and they cant keep it in once in awhile
(as in e feelings are visible on their faces, often during the "month" & the tap water in their eyes drip for no reason they can actually grapple.)
but the others (feelings/prblems/etc) are kept as secure as ever.
this wall is built up from the very beginning of their life. literally.

some people call it depression.
some call it split personality (which is even creepier, really),
i prefer it not to be labeled, because the human mind works in strange ways.

moral of the story:
never ever assume you think someone’s life is going smooth.
there are just some people who keep their feelings.
as cliche as it is, they hide it under their smiles. (:
and because i fear judgement of people who stumble here,
i never put my heart in writing anymore.. here that is. 😉
today happens to be an exception. =D

p.s have you ever wondered what is wrong with you? what do you lack? and whether you are good enough for anybody or anything? =))

do you know someone that fits these descriptions?
september hasn’t been very nice to me.


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